


When a New Fíli Comes Along

by Zuzivlas



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Almighty Johnsons - Freeform, Awkwardness, Butt fixation, Dean’s glorious buttocks, Freudian Slips, I do not blame him, Ian is a little pervert, Jed and William being total shits, M/M, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, When Love Comes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-24 15:53:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/941779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzivlas/pseuds/Zuzivlas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for a kink meme request: Rob left the production and PJ now has to find a new Fíli. Dean O’Gorman fits the bill but before he arrives, the cast needs to do a bit of research on him. What will happen when Jed and William decide to screen When Love Comes and episode 1 of Almighty Johnsons? Arousal, many Freudian slips and lots of awkwardness of course!</p>
            </blockquote>





	When a New Fíli Comes Along

**Author's Note:**

> Side note: For anyone who has read my other stories, I do promise that they won’t remain unfinished, I’ve just been struggling with a bit of a writer’s block and a hefty dose of real life. They shall continue eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later.

The news had come as a shock to all of them, even if it had been slightly suspicious that their blond dwarf was missing and nobody seemed to be able to get a hold of him for a day or two. Still, it could always be explained relatively easily on a production as busy as the Hobbit so when Peter called them together, everybody simply presumed he wanted to do some read-throughs or perhaps show them a model of a set they would later shoot on. No one had anticipated the words that came out of his mouth.

 

“Production is put on hold because Rob had made the decision to depart from us for personal reasons. Until we manage to find a stand in, we are a Fíli short. Sorry guys.”

 

All of them took it hard because Rob had been a good friend and seemed to get on just fine with everybody, looking happy to be there and grateful for landing such a big role. Never once had he even hinted at the possibility of leaving the Hobbit and now he was gone without so much as a goodbye. It stung with a hint of betrayal but ultimately, all of the actors hoped that he was fine and agreed to do their best to get a hold of him and send him their well wishes. Wordlessly, and unanimously, it had been decided that all of the remaining dwarves, the hobbit and the wizard would go out for much needed drinks that night to try and come to terms with the announcement; and truth be told, they felt the need to simply cling to one another if it was that easy for one of them to leave. Peter gave them one more apologizing look as he ushered them out of the office, hurrying up to meet with the principle casting crew to work overtime and find a new Fíli.

 

Three days of Peter barely getting any shuteye later, the production was back on track with the second unit that didn’t require Peter’s presence as Dean had been called for another reading and a screen test. Ideally, Aidan would have been there to test with him since the brothers’ chemistry was crucial but he was busy shooting some scenes with Andy so Jed had offered to help out when he had heard Dean’s name. They had become good friends on the set of Treasure Island over a decade ago and worked together on some other projects throughout the years so Jed did his best to help the blond get the role knowing that he would fit in with the cast. 

 

Recognizing the talent in the young man, Peter offered him a contract mere hours later which the Kiwi signed shortly after his agent negotiated the terms both with Peter and the crew of the Almighty Johnsons. He would start next week, beginning with some training and bonding with the rest of the cast to catch up on lost time as the crew worked on adjusting the make-up and costuming for his considerably smaller frame and different face structure. In less than two and half weeks he would shoot his first scene for the biggest project he would ever be involved in. Dean couldn’t have been more ecstatic if he tried and promptly went out with Jed for celebratory beers, reminiscing about old times. 

 

Once it was announced that the films had a new Fíli, the cast rejoiced and promptly began researching who landed the role - Jed being the biggest source of information much to his amusement. Most of the Kiwi actors nodded their heads when they heard the name, virtually all of them had worked with Dean on screen or in theatre over the years while the non New Zealanders remained oblivious. A devious grin forming on his face, Jed promised to show the guys some of the projects Dean had been heavily involved in that didn’t include the rest of the Kiwis to show him in action, so to speak. William shared the devilish grin when Jed mentioned When Love Comes and promptly promised to bring the DVD with season one of the Almighty Johnsons. The guys wouldn’t know what hit them.

 

Not knowing any better, the cast used the free weekend to converge in Jed’s house since he lived close enough to the studio and took seats all around the living-room sprawling over couches, armchairs, chairs and the floor as Jed put in the DVD. William, meanwhile, passed out the drinks since Jed’s wife decided that she wasn’t in the mood to take care of thirteen men in addition to her husband and sons and dragged the boys to a family visit instead, promising Jed bodily harm if the house was in a state of disarray when they returned. 

 

Cold beers and glasses of wine firmly in the grip of their owners allowed William to perch on his own seat, making sure he had a good view of his cast mates as the credits popped up. Jed had kept his description of the film fairly vague merely stating that it was one of Dean’s more profound roles and that the film had a fair emotional resonance with audiences when it came out. Somehow, he had managed to omit the fact that Dean would be naked a couple of times, have a sex scene, and play a junkie gay/bisexual prostitute. William didn’t rectify this small mistake, it was the guys’ own fault for not looking the film up on the internet, even if it was a little surprising that not one of them had, instead he grinned at Jed as the film began in earnest, both of them turning to stare at the cast rather than the screen. 

 

They didn’t even have to announce it when Dean popped up, the other Kiwis recognizing him immediately even as some of them chuckled at the fact that the film was old enough to be from Dean’s long hair period. Not that the Brits minded one bit, Dean obviously suited the look which only cemented the fact that he would look absolutely stunning with Fíli’s wig since it wasn’t that much of a difference to his own luxurious blond curls. Even if it remained to be seen if he could pull off the moustache braids that were supposed to look cool but were actually more of a devilish torture device as they tended to smack everybody in the vicinity in the eyes. The musings of all the Brits were interrupted as the Kiwis promptly began shouting over each other as they reminisced about the projects they had worked on with the blond throughout their career. 

 

Peter was mentioning Dean’s dancing skills from the theatre play Blood Wedding, which were hardly relevant to much he would get to do as a dwarf but which offered a nice bit of trivia regardless, as well as his cricket skills from Tangiwai. Unfortunately, before he could say that Jed had worked on it as well, Mark jumped in and went on a rather Markesque tangent about Dean being the sweetest teenager ever as he played the youth’s sports coach in Bonjour Timothy - which meant that nobody understood what the heck Mark was rambling about but nodded in polite understanding anyway. He was just about to tell a funny story from the set, not that anyone was paying him particular attention anymore due to the length of his tangent, when Dean’s character, sprawled over a couch rather seductively, began smoking in a way that could only be described as sensual if you were polite and fucking hot as shit if you preferred a more expressive manner of speaking.

 

The abrupt silence that fell over the actors was glorious as Jed and William saw the first sparks of real interest ignite in several of the men. Sir Ian was appreciating the display unabashedly, Richard acquired a faint rose tint to his cheeks while Aidan stared open mouthed. Graham didn’t get to fully appreciate the view since he was too busy thumping Adam on the back because the younger actor had been drinking when the scene where Dean exhaled cigarette smoke through his nose came up, promptly causing him to choke on the beverage. Jed and William shared another devious wink wondering how their buddies would react to the rest of the scenes if this managed to get such a strong response. For his part, Jimmy seemed to be particularly fond of the whole zombie cheerleader Cindy preying on high school boys joke making the others groan at his remarks but also effectively dispelling the slight tension from the previous scene.

 

Right after that, Dean’s character came to visit his love interest and while some of the Kiwis sniggered at Simon Prast’s flamboyant dancing while he mouthed the words to the cheesy pop song, everybody held in their breath when a passed out Dean was thrown onto the bed and Simon undid his pants, all the while giving him heated looks that implied heavily what would follow. A murmur of denial from the scandalised actors swept through the room when it looked like Dean would be taken advantage of as the pants slid down his slim legs, partly because it was wrong and although Dean had yet to fully become a dwarf the others were already a little protective of him, partly because they didn’t approve of who got to strip the boy and have their way with him. 

 

The fact that nobody looked at anyone in the room to save face when it became clear that there would be no unsolicited hanky-panky with the passed out Dean and that all of their worries were unfounded since Simon’s character apparently did have strong morals was priceless; Martin’s cough only emphasized the awkwardness of the situation. Jed was torn between letting the guys stew in the silence for a while longer because it was pure delight watching them, if he did say so himself, and saving them by offering to go make popcorn. Knowing that there were many more interesting scenes yet to happen, he took pity on the guys and rose to go make the junk food, exclaiming loudly that he was a fool for forgetting as no film night would be complete without it. Needless to say, the rest of the cast was quite thankful for the interruption.

 

He returned just in time for Dean’s character to claim to be Cindy, a zombie, while obviously drunk and wearing a pale blue lacy and incredibly see-through tunic that should be considered an abomination but somehow looked absolutely delicious on Dean the way it was mostly undone and offered beyond mere glimpses of his chest and strong back. Smirking and making a mental note to tease Dean about the tunic later, he set the bowls of popcorn down and reclaimed his seat, gleefully waiting for the story to unravel. He wasn’t disappointed by the reactions of the guys. 

 

One moment, Dean was floating on music and alcohol riding the wave of euphoria, happily burning pieces of paper as he danced with his eyes closed and mouth open a fraction, his movements emphasizing the pale arch of his neck that simply begged to be bitten and sucked, marked for all to see. He was the picture of sin incarnate and he didn’t even need to try, his apparent abandon far more seductive than anything deliberate could ever be as his blissed out face and swaying body beckoned everyone to stare and made them ache to touch. 

 

The next, he was lying on the ground and being picked up by a random guy who he followed before going down on his knees to clearly suck him off, their height difference making him seem that much more vulnerable. By now even the Kiwis became largely affected and both Jimmy and John froze with their hands full of popcorn halfway to their mouths, Aidan not even making it all the way to the bowl as his eyes widened comically making him look all of five years old. Ian’s eyes glazed over as he daydreamed about the blond going down on him putting those oh so pouty lips to very good use, and doing god knows what else as an enigmatic grin spread across the Sir’s lips, while Ken’s jaw hit the floor. Jed joyfully noted that it hadn’t really picked up for the rest of the evening. Things only escalated from there.

 

Before the guys could recover once more, it became apparent that Dean had offered the blowjob in exchange for some drugs he shared with his friends and before they could blink, the trio was sprawled all over the floor of their home in various states of undress. Dean was covered in a thick sheen of sweat as he gazed at the viewers with a heady mixture of ecstasy and pain looking positively wrecked and desperate for something more all at once; the exquisite camera angles only served to bring out his vulnerability and sensuality, making every man’s pants tighter as they watched with unblinking eyes, burning the image into their minds for all eternity. The sexual tension in the room was mounting, Aidan and Adam all but crawling into Richard’s and Graham’s laps respectively, rubbing against them like cats in heat. Not that the two minded if the white knuckled grips they had on the youths was anything to go by even if they didn’t spare them so much as a glance. 

 

By the time the sex scene came up, even Martin had to wipe his sweaty brow with a trembling hand before grabbing his beer almost hard enough to shatter the glass and gulping down several mouthfuls in desperation to moisten his suddenly dry throat. The others were no better off as Stephen, Peter, and Mark all chocked on popcorn, needing William to pound their backs to help them breathe. Sir Ian looked as if Christmas came early even though Dean was having sex with a woman; then again, with the man’s rampant imagination Jed wouldn’t have been surprised if in the actor’s dirty mind it was Ian lying on his back bucking his hips up into Dean who was riding him like his life depended on it, his blond curls plastered to his face and neck with sweat and the ample globes of his behind bouncing with every slap of skin on skin. And wasn’t that a mental picture for the books.

 

It was a small wonder none of them had attempted to excuse themselves and use a bathroom to get back under control in privacy although William had a sneaking suspicion they chose not to mostly because they didn’t want to miss a thing, not because the idea never came to them or they decided that there was no need. And then Dean’s character had to go for the kill and still high and horny despite the quick fuck he came to Simon’s house and all but threw himself at him voraciously. He kissed the older man passionately with what might have been closed lipped kisses or full on devouring tongue action; the lightning of the scene and shock as it happened made it a little difficult to say for certain although by the reactions it had garnered, it might as well have been blatant French kissing aimed to show off for the camera. 

 

There was a high pitched whimper that sounded suspiciously like Mark and a low moan that may have been Jimmy, Stephen, Ken or possibly all three of them, that came from somewhere within the mass of actors but not even Jed, who was paying very close attention, could say for sure who the sounds originated from. Everybody looked equally guilty and attempted to blend in with the surroundings, except Sir Ian of course who looked far too happy for anybody’s liking and mental health. 

 

Aidan and Richard looked the guiltiest but that was probably because of the nature of the relationship their characters had with Dean’s making the attraction all that more wrong, in Richard’s case even more so because of the almost fatherly connection Thorin had to Fíli. Although opportunists might argue that unlike their characters the actors didn’t share blood, hence there was no real social and moral taboo to the attraction, it could still make working together on set rather awkward. Not that Ken and Graham, whose characters would have been acting as Dean’s, or rather Fíli’s, mentors for all of his life in just about every aspect imaginable, looked much better. 

 

Thankfully, the sexual undertones and more importantly overtones lessened from there or Jed would have a lot of explaining to do to his wife, should she ever find out, on why most of his co-actors came inside their pants while watching a film together in his living room. And wouldn’t that be an interesting story to try and justify all those men being sexually aroused by watching poor little Dean, who she doted on to be honest and would smack Jed over the head something fierce for causing all of this mayhem once she found out his true intentions, before promptly calling William’s own wife in exasperation. 

 

So, it was for the best for all parties involved that everybody got a chance to wind down a little and relax. It also gave the guys a chance to see Dean perform on a much more emotionally striking level as his character obviously struggled with his own feelings and his haunted past that was slowly being hinted at or on a few occasions explicitly stated. A small respite from the tension and emotional angst came during the hair dyeing scene when Peter exclaimed loudly about finally revealing the secret of Dean’s blond curls making everybody chuckle. 

 

Not that it lasted forever, especially when Dean began stripping for his lover and the camera captured just a glimpse of his perfectly round buttocks that frankly deserved an imdb profile all of its own - it was captured on film often enough to warrant it and definitely belonged to one of Dean’s more striking features. Although brief, the peek had been enough to spark interest in the guys once more and Jed had a sneaking suspicion Sir Ian might want to borrow the DVD and re-watch that scene in privacy, with slow motion, possibly with full on pause. Jed wasn’t sure he’d want the DVD back should that come to pass. However, by the time they played Almighty Johnsons Ian would probably forget all about it and clamour for the other DVD that had much longer gratuitous shots to offer.

 

From there, the nudity gave way to one hell of an emotional ride as Dean suffered a mild breakdown, proving to everybody that he had the acting chops as he cried his little shattered heart out claiming he was emotionally broken and couldn’t love anyone because his past as a prostitute made him detach himself for protection but also causing him to become hollow in the process. Every one of them felt a pang as Dean cried unabashedly and messily, showing a much more realistic look onto the fact that even men could break and that gays and bisexuals were real humans with real emotions. Ian especially was moved by the scene as they watched Dean run away from the best thing in his life in fear of opening himself up for hurt and if there was more than just one moist eye, well, it merely gave the terror duo more reasons to make fun of their co-actors. 

 

Thankfully, the film did end up on a happy note as Dean’s character decided the risk was worth the potential payoff, returned and finally allowed himself to feel. The final kisses were sweet and full of tenderness instead of heated passion making it that much more meaningful and for once it served to show two people in love as opposed to two unnaturally flamboyant gays making out. Martin lost the battle and awwwed while Jimmy cheered loudly as all of them smiled at the resolution. Feeling secure in the knowledge that the film was coming to an end, nobody was prepared for the shot of Dean asleep sprawled all over Simon’s chest looking incredibly young, small and defenceless, re-awaking the protectiveness that was a potent mixture of wanting to keep Dean safe and wanting to keep him safe hugged against their own chests. 

 

All in all, Jed and William were beyond satisfied with the results as the credits rolled in and the actors began commenting on Dean’s acting abilities doing their best to feign ignorance over the more heated scenes and choosing to focus on the emotional parts even if it was apparent which left a greater impact. Sir Ian did sneak a few remarks about Dean being cute and delicious in but the others simply spoke louder to out-volume him. But truth be told it was nice hearing everyone praise Dean’s talent reassuring the duo that their little Dean would end up in good hands and not be harassed by the actors for being a stand-in who doesn’t even get a chance to prove himself. However, it was their mission to make them harass him for other reasons so without any preamble, William popped in the Almighty Johnsons DVD barely holding in a gleeful giggle at what was to come. 

 

On the whole, it offered a much more different look at Dean’s acting chops because Anders was everything but vulnerable, instead he was armed with sarcasm and an impenetrable shield of assholishness that made the blond almost indistinguishable from the previous role, the change of hairstyle helping a little as well. Thankfully, Anders was also the comical role showing off that even that position came naturally to the Kiwi while simultaneously making the character much more likeable. Some things remained the same however and one of his first scenes was a rather graphic sex scene making the guys fall apart once more.

 

It was even more passionate than the last one and even less expected making all of them gape at the screen like fish as the awkwardness levels rose once more. Their fate was sealed the moment Dean walked butt-ass naked into the view of the camera, walking at a casual stroll while he righted the furniture in his home giving everybody ample time to drink in the gloriousness that was his bubble butt which they had previously only gotten snippets of. Jed kept a closer eye on Ian because for a second it looked like they might need to call him an ambulance as the view of such perfection almost ended in a heart attack. If they managed to get anyone in the hospital PJ would surely kill them upon sight; or hire assassins, whichever worked best. Thankfully nobody required medical attention but everybody’s eyes were glued to the meaty moulds and everybody’s mind was promptly filled with positive filth even teenage fangirls on the internet would blush at, all of the fantasies starring Dean’s buttocks in a rather prominent role with a myriad of indecent things being done to it.

 

Following that scene, not one of the actors, supposedly straight, gay or bi, young or old, Kiwi or Brit, was able to say what the heck the rest of the pilot was about, or what Dean’s character was even called let alone his relationship with the others. They probably didn’t even notice that the four main characters were brothers, all of their minds collectively broken as they gradually spilled out of Jed’s home once the episode ended to go back to their own abodes and more probably than not jerk off to memories and fantasies of Dean’s shapely backside. 

 

Once every dwarf, hobbit and wizard left the house, Jed and William cleaned up the mess left after junk food and beverages but thankfully no suspicious white stains. Ian did ask William where he could procure the DVD for the series claiming that it warranted a second viewing to catch all of the meat of the story aka a further study of Dean’s ass, but it was hardly surprising. Congratulating each other, they knew that the following days would prove beyond entertaining as they watched the sexually aroused actors attempt to deal with Dean on a daily basis. Not only that, they would get the added bonus of watching Dean being all flustered as he tried to find out just what the heck was wrong with most of his co-stars giving the terror duo those adorable confused looks only Dean was capable of.


End file.
